Versailles: Vanity knows no Bounds

If I walked around proclaiming myself to be awesome, as I so often do, then it would be sweet to build a palace to go along with that.  Since I have not built said palace, then perhaps I am not quite as awesome as I typically announce.  Yet, anyhow.  Apparently King Louis XIV was pretty awesome, because he went and had Versailles built over a couple of decades.  This isn't going to be a history lesson, so you can find out more here: Versailles: A pretty cool place

What this is going to be is a few things I thought were pretty cool during my day there.  But first, let's start with the not-so-cool.  My 50 minutes worth of train rides (only two of them) turned into almost 3 hours due to delays and incidents while waiting in the stations for both.  "Incident" was the only word I understood besides the station name I was heading to.  For all I knew, the incident was a cow crossing the tracks and got hit shutting things down for a while.  Or some sheep got lose and roamed all over the place.  There were plenty of those in the middle of the Palace grounds, too.  Like cow fields scattered around Orlando.  Eventually, the trains got me there and it was so easy to get around.

I think I'll use the bullet point summation again.  That worked well yesterday.  Here is what I learned:

• The first thing you see when you leave the station in Versailles is a McDonalds.  I love McDonalds, but even I thought this was pretty sad.  Maybe the reigning monarchs during that time really loved their Big Macs.
• I forgot to mention this in my not-so-cool things.  I got there and the place was closed.  Seriously--it had been open and then they briefly closed it.  They were only explaining why in French and I didn't care too much whatever the reason was.  Bottom line, as I have walked up the outer courtyard to get to the place and find this out, I felt like Clark pulling up to Wally World only to see that "Closed" sign around the moose's neck.  I was ready to punch someone in the face.
• I've just unintentionally referenced the Griswolds two times since I've been in Paris.  Weird.
• They have a really cool free audio soundtrack for the whole Palace.  You can play stuff on demand and there is also auto-starting features when you walk into some rooms.  I was pretty impressed with it and wondered where else it could be put to good use in tourist areas.
• The Palace of Versailles is ridiculously huge and extravagant.  I understand that is the whole point of the place, but it is staggering once you are in and walking around.
• Then you go out to the Gardens.  That just makes the Palace seem small in comparison.  The Gardens were amazing, and this is in the winter.  I can't imagine the sites and smells of the greenery and water in the spring and summer.
• The Trianon and Marie Antoinette's cottage were also remarkable.  You can learn about them through the same link above for Versailles.

Alright.  Time to run grab a drink.  I leave you with the photo of the day.  This is the Queen's toilet.  I am still not entirely sure how it works, but I do like the fireplace in the bathroom.


Royal bathroom: I don't know how you flush, but the fireplace in there is pretty sweet.

The Only Snow on Main Street Should be Man-made

Disneyland Paris is a pretty enjoyable park for the most part.  I spent the day there, at both Disneyland and Walt Disney Studios Park (their second gate).  It was a blast!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.



I know you can barely see it, but there is snow.

Remember the three Spaniards that I had in my room?  These little snots were the most obnoxious and inconsiderate travelers that I have ever encountered over a (roughly) 100 nights of hostel staying.  I am hoping their behavior is atypical for Spanish guys in general; however, it was bad enough that the Algerian and non-speaking dude moved rooms--as did I.  I guess none of us were about to wait around for a second night to see if they would kick them out.  They basically acted like they were in a private room--shouting, talking super loudly, eating and leaving trash on the floor, keeping the lights on pretty much through the night.  I thought non-speaking dude was going to go ballistic at one point.  The hostel totally had great common spaces for them to do all of this.  They just chose to do it in the room.  I was ready to shove them into their lockers and leave them.

But they got me in a new (and quieter) room right away this morning and then I was on my way to a chilly day in the theme parks.

As I sat on the suburban trains (RER) on my hour journey there, I decided to see if I could pronounce anything.  So, before we'd arrive at a station, I'd say how I thought it is pronounced.  Then, I'd hear them say it over the speaker as we pulled up to the station.  My record was two in a row.  I got about 17 wrong.  I think there were 20 stops.  I had a solid failure rate of 85%.  Not too shabby, if I was going for worst possible.  Even with this struggle, I managed to find my way to the parks.  Probably because it is at the end of the line.

I'm not going to regale you with the details of my whole day, but here are some take-aways:

• Apparently if you are a guy wearing a parka and it doesn't have a fur-lined hood, you are doing it wrong.  That is all the rage everywhere I've been so far.
• There is a shanty town in the woods right before you get to Disneyland Paris stop.  It was beyond unattractive, and certainly sad because of what it represents.  I can't image something like that along I-4 leading up to Disney World.
• Although selfie-sticks are banned, I lost count of how many people were using them.  I guess the Cast Members don't care.
• Speaking of not caring, they also don't care about where the smoking sections are, because they let people smoke everywhere.  Including in attraction lines.  I can't remember how long ago we allowed smoking in lines.  Decades now, I think.
• They had a really cute movie-mashup called Cinematique with Martin Short--and it wasn't all too old, so I guess that is still popular there (it was pretty packed).
• I forgot how much cooler their Phantom Manor and Pirates of the Caribbean are compared to ours back home.
• They still have the original Snow White ride there.  Man, it has to be scary for little kids still.
• They bundle ice cream with their meals in the quick service restaurants.  Which was awesome.
• There were snow flurries during the afternoon parade and on into the evening.  This was due to the fact that it was a brisk 29/30 degrees F all day while I was out there.  Those temps start wearing you down after a while.  Fortunately it wasn't breezy, at least.

I made my way home in one piece.  I tried to remember how the stations were pronounced.  I did marginally better than going there.  Tomorrow, it is off to Versailles.  Former home of some famous dudes and chicks who ruled France, or something.

Gare du Nord: The Armpit of Paris

Describing Gare du Nord as an armpit is a disservice to clean armpits that do not reek of body odor (BO).  That is because Gare du Nord smells worse than the foulest of armpits that have not had any deodorant and antiperspirant applied.  And that person chose to then walk for twenty miles in the jungle.  And then that person chose to take a dive into a compost pile that had an ample mixture of manure in it.  And then that person rolled around in the compost pile.  After *all* of that, the person gets out and gives you a big hug.

That is how this Paris train station makes you feel.  But, wait!  I bet your thinking, "No big deal, Chris.  You aren't staying in the train station, right?"  And no, I'm not staying in Gare du Nord.  That isn't enough though.  The smell of the sewer has permeated multiple blocks all around the station.  Forget the City of Light.  This is the City of Stink.

I persevere in my determination to pretend it doesn't exist as I sit and write this in St. Christopher's Inn (just down the street).  The hostel itself is great.  Attached bar.  Good prices.  Clean all the way around.  No axe-wielding psychos (refer to my post on why hostels are not like the movie Hostel for clarification).  I've got three Spaniards, an Algerian, and someone that I suppose could be mute or just antisocial.  This should be an interesting three nights.

The train trip in was great.  No problems out of Groningen and I caught the high-speed Thalys direct from Amsterdam Central to Paris.  Looking forward to the next couple of days.  Probably tucking in a day at Disney, since it's been 15+ years since I was there last.  Plus, I get in free.  So, I've got that going for me.  I've done a lot of the museums, Notre Dame, and many of the other "required" cultural stops.  That leaves me with a bit of free time.

I'll probably just go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and hit on chicks.  Maybe the breeze will keep the smell of desperation away.

Image courtesy of Warner Bros.

My Stay at Hostel DirkLein = 5 stars (out of 4)

As I get ready for bed, I am disappointed this is my last night staying at Hostel DirkLein.  Another super enjoyable day and it is clear the weekend with Catheleine and Dirk is just what I had hoped for.  We were all sort of bums and slept until noon, but that doesn't surprise me since we didn't crash last night until 3am.

They gave me breakfast!  With a real plate and glassware.  Pretty fancy for me, since I am used to wolfing down my Sausage McMuffin and throwing the trash in the nearest receptacle upon finishing.



It's the Netherlands.  So naturally there is a canal.

Since my plan was to be a local and absorb the culture, I did what any young Dutch male would do.  I sat on the couch and played video games with Dirk.  This lasted a bit before I struck out to walk around the city center.  Groningen has a great feel to it.  With a population of 200,000 it isn't too big or too small and they have quite a great variety of stores, eateries, and locales that probably all appeal to the (about) 32,000 students at the University here.  Being a college town gives it a boost, too.  Bottom line is that most European cities just seem to have a whole lot more charm than our own.

Side note: I was pretty excited there were some Christmas lights up still all over the city center and streets leading up to it.

I didn't know it when I snapped this picture, but we ended up having dinner at the establishment on the left with the Red/Blue lights on the building.  Apparently these lights are almost too tacky for Catheleine, as we just about skipped it for something less flashy.  A quick look through the window and we decided to brave it there.  It was a good choice--dinner was tasty and they had me try a Dutch staple--croquettes.  Sort of a fried mashed potato, I think.  I still am not sure, but they were yummy.  The menu was all in Dutch.  Please note this is not to be confused with croquet, which is an entirely different thing and obviously not a choice of food.

We rounded out the evening with a movie.  Check this out-- two Cokes and a large popcorn ran me $10.00 (barely even that).  The concession stand was like a quick-mart with non-ripoff pricing.  I imagine moviegoers in the US would do it more so if you could get that kind of pricing and choices in a theater.

I forgot to mention the weather.  It has been a brisk 20-35 degrees F each day.  While I was ready for it having checked out the forecast--I wasn't *really* ready for it.  And people were still riding their bikes for transportation.  Not just one or two, but all over, and not just students.  They had me freezing just watching them.

Alright.  Time to pack for the morning (early train) so I don't miss my transport to Paris.

On the Road Again

I totally lucked out on my long haul from Minneapolis to Amsterdam and had no one sitting next to me, so that was a plus.  The flight was pretty uneventful, but I did finally get to see Everest.  Watching it on an 8" screen was probably not as impressive as seeing it in a theater on the big screen, but I missed that window of opportunity when I chose to see Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials this past September ( I imagine I had some busy weeks which is why I didn't see them both).  Anyhow, as I mentioned I had an uneventful flight.  Coming into Amsterdam Schiphol on international flights is so easy and efficient, or at least always has been for me.  No sooner was I off my plane than I was on my train to Groningen (about 2h 15 min to the north).

The train wasn't bad.  Pretty much exactly like riding Metra into Chicago from out of town.  Except there weren't a bunch of guys listening to loud music and pounding down 40oz beers like they were going out of style.  Instead I had a guy sit next to me, who was no bigger than me, and somehow take up about 60% of the space of both of our seats combined.  How he managed to spill that much into my seat, I'll never know.  I know if I wasn't tired and jet lagged that I probably would have created an international incident.  Boy, did he get lucky.

Dirk picked me up at the train station.  You may remember Dirk from my travels four years ago to Istanbul.  He is now married to Catheleine (they were dating then).  Hylke and Marlies were with them on that trip.  If you don't remember, look back on this blog about the fantastic group from the Netherlands I got to meet.  I'm not going back over it now.

So, Dirk picks me up at the train station in his car.  The SMART car looks like a limo compared to the compactness of Dirk's vehicle we're in.  My knees were up to my chin and Dirk is probably about 6'4".  I try to imagine Sean in a vehicle like that and realize he would have to rip the front seat out and sit in the back to fit his 2 meter height.  Nevertheless, we get back and squeeze out to make our way to their awesome apartment.



Jochem is awesome!

They've been super gracious in letting me stay a couple nights with them in Groningen.  Completely love their place.  An awesome high-level floor apartment with great views over the city and across the street from work for them.  Plus--they have a really cute dog, Jochem (I had met him years ago, too).

They had a great plan for my first night--playing some poker and having some drinks.  This was a blast, as I really enjoyed getting to meet a bunch of their close friends.  I pretty much wish I could bring them all home to meet everyone back there--they are all that fun and enjoyable to be around.  Hylke was there, but Marlies couldn't make it, so that was a bit sad.  I don't expect this to be my last trip to the Netherlands, though.  That means there's always next time.

After drinks, cigars, and poker, I came out ahead 35 Euro by taking third place--which was a nice treat this evening.  I'd like to say I lost on purpose, so as not to be the American who came in and mopped the floor with them playing poker, but that isn't my style.  I lost because I had bad cards and I am not good at bluffing.

I've watched the first half of the Packer game.  I am just too tired to stay up and watch the second half.  I'm also too tired to keep writing away--and most of anything else would continue to be glowing praise for the people I've been surrounded with today.

I hope all of you have had as enjoyable day in the United States as I have had here.

What the?!? Where did two years go???

I'm sure none of you have really been asking yourselves where my blog postings have been.  But you probably should be.  I didn't even remember what account I had this stuff under.  Two years since I've written anything!  My last post was my review of The Wolf of Wall Street.  I stand by it.


I took a look over all of my old posts tonight, actually.  You know what?  I write some funny stuff.  So, I figured, why deprive you, Reader?  You've done nothing to deserve less of me in your life.

So,  what's prompted this resurgence?  It's travel time!  On the docket: Groningen, NL/ Paris/ London.  Delta was offering a great deal to fly on miles,  so I figured I would use some of mine that were banked.

I've buckled up and I'm ready to fly. I suggest you follow along with me and enjoy the nonsense.

The Wolf of Wall Street reviewed

Image courtesy of Paramount Pictures

     I have never seen a movie as disdainful as The Wolf of Wall Street.  With that out of the way, make no mistake that this movie shines for its entire 180 minute running time.  The manner in which Scorsese treats Jordan Belfort's life of excess is nothing short of masterful.  Rarely do I find myself cheering for the antihero in a film the way I was here.

     Let me be up front for any of you considering seeing this movie.  If you have any strong sensibilities surrounding good, clean, family-oriented values and are built of a strong moral fiber, then DO NOT go see The Wolf of Wall Street.  This movie will offend you, disgust you, and make you feel filthy inside.  Also, this movie is rated 'R' and it is NOT ACCEPTABLE to take anyone under the age of 18 to see this.  Sure, lots of times you hear or see or know some 14-17 year olds going to 'R' movies, and maybe sometimes that is okay depending on what they are.  THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES.  Be a responsible parent.  Teens aren't Scorsese's audience for this movie anyhow.

     So, who is the audience then?  Well, I'd wager anyone not easily offended--which means you are okay with an excessive amount of vulgarity, drug use, nudity, sex, more drug use, more nudity, more vulgarity, cheering for thieves, liars, and cheaters, and laughing at other's misfortune.  I think if you lived through the 70's and 80's and/or can relate to the excess of the yuppie lifestyle, if you are familiar with Gordon Gecko, Kenneth Lay, Jeffrey Skilling, or have watched Boiler Room (2000), that probably works, too.

     On to the good stuff (I will try to limit spoilers): Cameos/ small parts by Rob Reiner, Matthew McConaughey, Jon Favreau, Joanna Lumley (Absolutely Fabulous), Jean Dujardin (The Artist), and an insanely slimmed-down Ethan Suplee all brought their remarkable talent to this game and Scorsese wove their roles into the film in a complimentary way within every scene's action and dialogue they appear.

     This movie is laugh-out-loud funny for probably close to two-thirds of the 180 minutes (again, as long as you are the intended audience).  Not only does DiCaprio and Hill work their accents through the movie, but deliver their lines with gusto.  Some of the physical humor they are called to perform is handled perfectly and the entire theater was in stitches.

     Strong writing, passionate acting, and Scorsese's direction allow the audience to experience the fiasco that was stockbroker Jordan Belfort's drug-fueled, hooker-filled, life-destroying ride for a decade on Wall Street.

     The score and soundtrack are all over the place as we progress through Belfort's years and transitional moments, never over-shadowing or forcing the scene or emotion on the audience, but offering a seamless addition to what we are witnessing on-screen.

Go see it.  Just remember what you are getting yourself into.  I'm giving it:     9.4 out of 10